I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
