i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
