he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize