Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
