highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
