just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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