the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
