you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
