i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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