I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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