I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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