Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
