Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
