the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
