Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
