Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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