i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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