her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
