I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
