P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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