when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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