Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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