WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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