hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
