btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry my hands just texted you
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
