roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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