I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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