every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
