someone get that fucking seahorse.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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