thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
