hotel room ftw
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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