Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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