I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
