And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
