i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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