My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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