Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
