I'm going to jail i love you
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
