just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
