thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
