Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
