If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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