Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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