found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
