ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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