Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
