chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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