sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
