So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
