When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
