Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize