4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
