thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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