Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh god it's open bar.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
