do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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