just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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