i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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