Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
