Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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