He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
