peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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