I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Randomize
