Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
