I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
