well you can't waste a boner
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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