Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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