How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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