Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
