absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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