i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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