Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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