talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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