i was born a porn star she said
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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