Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
