Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize