I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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