The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
