Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I miss vodka workout Fridays
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
