just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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