I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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