you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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