You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
