I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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