Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I fill condoms, not promises.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
