I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
