do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
