Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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