Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
