I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
are you so shy because you have an std?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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