I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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