Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
