Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
