I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
