you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
