You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
