I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
