she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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