You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize