Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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