guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
