she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
should my penis look like a turkey
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
