My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
