I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
